Start with “I’m sorry.” We hate to be the ones to tell you, but there are no shortcuts. It doesn’t work if you only ask God for forgiveness. Like, “Hey God, please make sure (Josh, Linda, Maryanne, you get the idea,) forgives me for not responding to that email about…” Only you can take care of that. So, stop wasting time, and follow these steps: 

1. Feel it: You need to actually feel sorry for forgiveness to happen. (Trust us, we’ve tried it the other way.) 

2. Call, visit or write a letter: Don’t use a text to clean up your mess. (OK, fine, text if you must. But there are better ways…) 

3. Say this: “I know we’re still fighting about…” or “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you during…” or, “I’m sorry I lied about…” Most importantly, say: “I am truly sorry, and I hope you forgive me.” And then give the person a chance to do that. Don’t expect immediate gratification because it doesn’t always work that way. 

4. What about the people in your life who you aren’t arguing with? The ones you see all the time — and you’re pretty sure you’re cool with? Don’t take any chances. Double-check. Say something like, “If I hurt you in this year and I didn’t realize it, I apologize.” It is a very sweet gesture and strengthens relationships. 

5. And remember, according to the wise Rabbis of Old: If you apologize to someone three times from your heart, and they still don’t forgive you, you’ve fulfilled your obligation. You might also want to remind said wronged person that forgiving is important too. Actually, don’t. That’s just going to piss them off even more.