kosher

For example, our friend, we’ll call him Dave, considers himself kosher…at home. He has no trouble going to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and ordering a petite filet and shrimp (aka non-kosher meat, a no-no at home, and shellfish, another no-no). Dave’s wife, Sandy, likes to order the (also non-kosher) ribeye steak but would never order it with the shrimp (because she never eats shellfish). Their friend, Helene, who is also kosher, prefers not to go to Ruth’s Chris because it’s not a kosher restaurant. But, it’s a special occasion, like Dave’s birthday, so she’ll go and order a mozzarella and tomato salad, which works for her because none of it is cooked. Helene’s husband, Gary, won’t eat at Ruth’s Chris at all because Gary wears a yarmulke all the time and he feels that it’s misleading to eat there because people will think it’s a kosher restaurant if they see him. You get the idea. Or do you?

Kosher isn’t just about what you eat. Being kosher also has a lot to do with food preparation. For example, in a strictly kosher kitchen, there are separate pots for meat, dairy, and pareve foods. There is also often a meat sink and a dairy sink and a pareve sink. And multiple ovens and microwaves. If it’s a small kitchen, with no space for multiple sinks, then there will be meat sponges, dairy sponges, and pareve sponges. Same thing goes for dishes. Kosher kitchens often have two sets of dishes, one for milk and another for meat. And sometimes a third set for Passover. Sometimes people (MOM!) have two sets of dishes, one for milk and one for meat, but uses the same ladle, spatula, frying pan, etc. whether she is cooking chicken or cheese blintzes. And apparently, according to a non-scientific poll we took, she’s not alone and lots of people’s moms do the same. Go figure.

Split hooves versus cloven hooves. That’s it? You may be wondering? Not even close! We have not even talked about pigs, which by the way, are not kosher. Mammals that are kosher have split hooves and chew their cud. (Split hooves and cloven hooves are the same BTW. That was a trick question.) Pigs have split hooves, but they don’t chew their cud. The easy way to look, is that the common mammals that are kosher are sheep, cows and goats. But again, there are many shades of grey. Depending on how kosher you are, you might choose not to eat at Burger King, because even though they are serving cow meat, it is not kosher. You see, there are many guidelines for kosher slaughter. There are prayers that are recited, and the knife used for slaughter must be perfect. After the animal is killed, the blood is drained. Supposedly kosher slaughter is more humane than other kinds of slaughter. Sometimes ancient kosher laws seem kind of arbitrary yet sometimes when you understand the origins of the laws, they are incredibly logical. For example, ancient Jews didn’t normally live near the ocean, and they didn’t have refrigerators or ice back then, so by the time they would have had the chance to try some lobster, it would have spoiled, and they would have become sick. Whereas, the Jews were often shepherds or farmers and had their own chicken, cattle and sheep and could kill and eat them fresh.

AKA Why kosher people are usually thin. Now you may be wondering, or maybe the question never entered your mind, if someone is kosher and has meat for her meal, can she have dairy ice cream for dessert? The answer is a resounding no! Which is why people who are kosher are thin…because their desserts, often made without butter or milk, suck. Kidding! (Sort of). Not everyone who is kosher is thin, but if you have a meat meal, you can’t have a dairy dessert. (So, in all honesty, the desserts after a meat meal can leave a lot to be desired.) Now, if the person finished their hamburger and waits six hours, he can then eat dairy. But, if the person has dairy first, he only has to wait 36 minutes to have meat. Google the rules if you want to know more because this is one helluva rabbit hole to go down. BTW, rabbits are not kosher.